Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
