Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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