you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
