You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
