i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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