She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
