I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
