The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize