Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you inspire me to be a worse person
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
