I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You pole danced in your parka.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
