I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
