well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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