some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
