So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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