Don't make out with my wife yet
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
