Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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