Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
