I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.