Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.