it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
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When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
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i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?