So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.