I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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