I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
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She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often