Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
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You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
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You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.