he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
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And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.