u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
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I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
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I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.