i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
