She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
