Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Randomize
