we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
