the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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