I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
