Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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