why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
