went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
