I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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