He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
