tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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