And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
