it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
