dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
