I'm gonna have a badass scar
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
