So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
