So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
