I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
