I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
