i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
