chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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