I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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