I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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