well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
