Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Panties = found
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
