I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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