let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
