he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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