I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
