I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
