Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
