You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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