I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
