3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
