did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
