Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
