and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
