my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
