my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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