Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
