I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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